The quickest investigation in CPD history:

• "[Cuello] has no involvement in this. Right now the investigation has revealed that the offender who was charged and arrested, who also admitted that the relative that was residing in the unit had no involvement," said police News Affairs Director Monique Bond.

You know it has to be true because Monique said it. Just like when she was saying the 14-year-old police wanna-be "never drove a squad car," "never had contact with the public," and "never wrote any tickets." Oh wait...that was the brass.

Just for comparison purposes, here's J-Fed at the City Council grilling Friday:

• [J-Fed has] called on the Secret Service for an independent review of department security measures. Weis says an internal investigation of the [14 year old police impersonator] incident will be completed Feb. 23 and disciplinary action may take place then.

So, an Assistant Superintendent's property is the subject of a positive search warrant for guns and drugs and one of the occupants, who actually resides there, doesn't go to jail - under 7 hours to be absolved of any culpability whatsoever.

Fourteen-year-old kid dressed as the police, gets a radio, gets a locker, gets a partner and does more work than half the watch and most of 35th Street - 29 days and someone is taking big time.

It's so blatant, it boggles the mind.