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Selling the drama Submitted by Michael Fielding on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 2:37pm.

I laughed all the way to work Wednesday morning. It was one of those hearty bellows that works its way from the pit of the stomach to the vocal cords. It was a full-bodied, sincere guffaw of amusement, simple amusement.

And I needed it. I haven’t been this amused in a long time. Today’s sitcoms are pathetic, I hate comedic theater (David Mamet, whose themes are downright grim, is in my opinion one of the best playwrights ever), and the last funny movie I saw was “Little Miss Sunshine” back in 2006.

No, this level of amusement is incomparable, hitting all my senses at once: blaring from WBBM on my old car radio, flashing across my TV screen on Fox, splashed on the front page of my Southtown and Trib. It’s the already unending coverage of Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s arrest Tuesday and the collective tisk-tisking by everyone from Tribune columnist John Kass (what a surprise) to my 94-year-old neighbor.

I’m writing this, though, to make a simple point: Let’s all stop wringing our hands and instead sit back and enjoy. This is not sarcasm. I am entirely serious. Here’s why:

There is almost nothing that Chicago voters can do to change the way this city and this state are run. It’s part of the political infrastructure: nepotism, fraud, insider dealings. I don’t trust anyone, and – ironically – that helps me sleep at night. I don’t worry about why Blagojevich (or his imprisoned predecessor, Republican George Ryan) is so corrupt because I’ve suspected it all along. It’s just a matter of time before they’re caught. Then the entertainment begins. So let’s enjoy it for what it is: a circus that few other cities and states can claim as their own. Even The Times of London has dubbed this place “kickback city.” That’s good stuff.

Here’s a short transcript of what Blagojevich allegedly said on tape, the very same thing that elicited my hearty guffaw Wednesday morning:

“I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying? And if I don’t get what I want, and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” President-elect Obama’s Senate seat, according to Blagojevich, is “golden,” adding: “You don’t just give it away for nothing.”

It’s beautiful. Even Mamet couldn’t have written a script like this.

Kass loves it because it’s what he’s paid to do: expose the corruption. I love reading his columns, but sometimes he takes this stuff too seriously. “Political corruption in the state that has made corruption an art form isn’t funny,” he wrote in Wednesday’s column. “The joke is on all of us, everyone who lives in Illinois.” John, lighten up.

I don’t lose too much sleep over this stuff because I actually enjoy it. It’s fun because it’s so uniquely Chicago. It’s entertainment – right here, live. All the time.

But Kass isn’t the only one who’s licking his chops over this. Obama’s potential successors love it because here’s their chance to distance themselves from it all, take hold of the reform baton and run with it, proving why they are now worthy of filling Obama’s seat. Then one day one of them will be investigated for insider dealings, and the fun starts all over again.

Meanwhile, we’ve got Mayor Richard Daley admitting to the press Wednesday that “this thing happens.” Of course it does … only in Illinois.

Even Matt Lauer asked if a governor could be so dumb. I suppose, but the voters of this state sure look like dummies here, too, especially because we keep hoping that these messages of reform will actually hold true.

I don’t know if the voters of our neighborhoods are smart enough to stay away from the governor or just not interested in him, but a perusal of the semiannual report from the “Friends of Blagojevich” – whose Ravenswood offices also were raided Tuesday and which raised $2 million in 2008 alone – listed just one local address. That person, whom I will not identify but whose address is in the 10800 block of South Hamlin Avenue, contributed $1,000 June 27 on behalf of the “Good Faith Effort,” a seemingly nonexistent entity that had about 65 other contributors from Chicagoland.

According to federal agents, Blagojevich was hoping to raise about $2.5 million in “campaign contributions” by the end of this year. And where did many of those contributions originate? Individuals and entities (such as this nebulous “Good Faith Effort” perhaps?) … and some are said to have received state contacts or appointments in return. It’s the Chicago way. No surprises there.

These promises of reform that we’ve heard time and again never hold up, so let’s stop tisk-tisking our fallen idols and acknowledge that this is so uniquely Chicago, like Italian beef (wet), a Polish with everything, the lovable losers from Wrigley; like the bull-headed tradition of lazily tossing a lawn chair in your parking spot during a snow storm or identifying your place of residence not by your ZIP code but by your parish.

Think you can find entertainment like this on TV? Absolutely not. The quirky “Boston Legal” is now off the air, and the subject matter of “Law & Order” is too bookish for this kind of circus.

It’s not that I’m giddy because another politician has taken the fall. That happens all the time (although not as much as it should). No, I’m giddy because Blagojevich and his brethren are so deliciously brazen, like cartoon villains with trench coats, handlebar mustaches and monocles. I could only aspire to be that brazen, that arrogant, in the face of justice.

The actions of these politicians are so unbelievable, like a caricature. This unfolding drama is something that perfectly characterizes any number of villains in the campy 1960s “Batman” television series or one of the phantoms unmasked by the Scooby Doo gang. It’s the insistence on the part of these politicians – many of whom eventually get caught – to slam their fists and claim that they did nothing wrong, a la Bill Clinton, that makes it so surreal.

I’m actually surprised by the amount of shock and sadness that the media and voters are expressing. Why be saddened, angered or shocked at all? I know I’ll never be elected to any sort of public position because I don’t have that clout. Many of us don’t. So why fight it?

Embrace it, and forget about trying to clean it up. Illinois’ history is long and rich with political corruption, intrigue, blackmail, strong-arming and violence. At my last count, about two dozen aldermen have been convicted on corruption charges in nearly as many years, and federal agents have investigated a handful of Illinois governors in the last few decades alone. In total, there have been 502 public corruption convictions in Illinois since 1998. Do you know how many seasons of “Law & Order” it would take to dramatize all of them? Here’s a hint: The series has been on the air for 19 seasons, and it’s only up to episode 417.

Enjoy the drama, because now we’ve got Obama stuttering his way through an attempt to clarify his knowledge of conversations between his aides and Blagojevich: “I had no contact with the governor or his office, and so we—(pause)—I was not aware of what was happening,” he said Tuesday.

He again avoided answering the question the next day. “It’s an ongoing investigation,” Obama said. “I think it would be inappropriate for me to ... remark on the situation beyond the facts that I know.” He also declined to say whether Blagojevich had approached Rep. Rahm Emmanuel (D-Ill.), Obama’s choice for chief of staff. Hmm.

This is exactly why I occasionally write myself in as a candidate come election time—because I can’t vote for bad people. Not that I’m all that better than the next guy … well, I do know I wouldn’t be so bold as to try to sell a Senate seat, so maybe I’m better than Blagojevich. And maybe Ryan. But the point is that this is what Chicago voters have come to expect:

Finally a word to federal investigators: Please don’t shake up this city too much. Don’t turn Chicago into a stuffy, proper place to legislate. I’m serious. This is not tongue-in-cheek. I am wholly skeptical of politicians and pretty cynical when it comes to the change they’re always promising. And that’s exactly why I was laughing out loud while many voters were spitting at their TVs Wednesday morning as a Fox News chopper tracked Blagojevich’s trek downtown in his SUV turn-by-turn from his Ravenswood home.

This is our kind of town, and nobody better clean it up. Or else I’ll have to head out to Blockbuster to rent “Little Miss Sunshine” again. They still stock VHS tapes, right?

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